This is not one of my blogs when I have again come up with an imaginary story or a situation, never ever to be found in life. But today, I am simply so confused and am feeling so claustrophobic, that blogging seems my only way out.
Right from my childhood, I have always been known as a timetable person.. Its a term, my friends from engg gave me for my immense planning techniques... I always believed in planning my life even my day, the previous day and never let anything affect it whatsoever. Planner, control freak, these weren't simply adjectives to describe me but seemed synonymous to my name. I am used to planning to such an extent, that I have contingency plans too... As in, if my plan for the day ever failed due to some reason, I always had a Plan B. My roomie used to joke saying even my dreams would be planned... :)
Although my habits were always a matter of joke to people, I always stuck by them and it paid off well.. I had a good time at work, because of my planning methods. My colleagues and superiors were always in awe that even in stringent work time lines, my work never sagged behind.. I don't remember, leaving my office ever late And every evening I spent extra timing, writing out my Task list for the next day...
And then one fine day, my life simply went haywire, when a plan of mine backfired, suddenly new plans came rushing in... Within an year, all that I had planned went completely messed and m at my wits end, handling the situation now.
Although my routine has got set, life seems to take no proper direction.. I have absolutely no idea what I want from life... All my short time goals seems achieved and I have no long term goal at all... I have this void feeling in my heart which freaks me... Nothing seems to make me happy, yet there is this big 1000 Watt smile on my face... Everywhere I go, I feel people are mocking at me... I have big time lost my self confidence... Things which I felt are good in me seem like a hype now. I am a stranger to my own self now. I am desperately bored and am wasting time like hell... Too many options in front of me and nothing seems to appeal.
Life is so unpredictable... Waiting for my ray of hope which will redefine my life...
Till then Lost in space....
