Love you life....

There are so many candid moments in life, that you simply want to hold on to... Just like a VMware snapshot, take a snap and then restart your life again and again from that instant. No matter all the turbulences, keep hitting like a bus on the street, what brings you back to life is that moment, spices you, and triggers the spark of life within you. I met with a terrible accident a couple of weeks ago. A really really bad one. My vehicle was completely a goner. Although Santosh & I werent hurt an iota bit, it completely smashed me from inside. I am still terrified when my vehicle takes a break. A lot of people who called me after the incident, said I was so lucky to come out of that accident unhurt. For a very long time, I was hungover, that incident. But then it changed the person in me. I stopped walking fast and now started looking around. I have slowed down the pace of my life and started seeing and beaming at the beauty of life around me. I have started smiling with the stars, and singing with the winds, dancing in the moonlight. Loving the people around me even more. Each time, I do something I love, I just think about my luck, had something happened to me, would I be able to restart this snapshot?

Its made me more forgiving, if I didnt have a chance, would I simply leave with anger and hatred in my heart? Each day now is very special to me. Each moment now is a treasure. This accident, was meant to jolt me from inside and make me realise, that I am not a machine, but a human....

Its about 5 weeks to this incident now, and now is the time, I could muster courage to write about it. And hush, I feel so much better.

Thank you, life for giving me a chance. I promise, I wont let you down. :)

Book Lovers' club

A friend of mine, started this whole book pool club at work,what started with a modest figure of 30 books, is now doubled, and the enthusiasm in people is just soaring like mercury. Today, we got into a relatively marginal conversation, on favourite books, and all of a sudden, it was like a huge whirlpool, grasping us in its arms.. The conversation, started off with the current books in our basket, and we ended up with childhood, sibling fights for books. It was fun to see the sparkle in people's eyes, when they talk of something, they are so passionate about. Your passion, engulfs you into this beautiful world, where everything you see and perceive is the definition of your dream life. We were laughing away, as to how, we even tend to forget our spouses, when we enter our book life. What is it, about this passion, which makes you forget your world, and enter into realms of mystery. To me, reading books are more than just a passion. It is a way of life, and to not read, or not blog is like heart attack. The big smile, when we see a discount offer, in Landmark or Crossword, the sparkle in our eyes, when we hear someone discuss a book, we have read makes us feel, that there is so much in us yet to be discovered. There is so much mystery, surrounding our own lives, that in this whirlpool, we actually try to find our own identity. I atleast have a habit of trying to relate to every character of my book in some way. Makes me feel a part of the journey I am reading.

It is very true, that books are the only company who would never betray you. They would impart wisdom and seldom do they distract you from your path. But to those of my friends, who keep on teasing me, to be a bookworm, well, I am proud of being one and I am sure, my lovely book lover friends, would agree too!! So happy reading! :D

A silent Transformation

It is often found that people who achieve even an iota bit in their lives, blare up every single loudspeaker possible with their achievement list. They make sure, that every living soul, they know, is rote with their achievement. Potray themselves to be the future of the mankind, the hope of this galaxy. But somewhere, there are people, who work toil day in and day out. Who leave behind their ambitions, to create a way ahead for the less privileged. To whom, a package of a couple of lakhs is greek and latin, however, what they need an assurance of is a chance to work in the remotest hamlets of India. To them buying a Mercedes is not even on their wish list but are very happy, when they can get a farmer to avail a loan to buy a tractor. I have often heard people say that the world is very selfish, very self-centered. But somewhere near us, in our daily walks of life, there are people, who with a smile on their face, wipe the tears from another’s eyes. People name them social workers, NGO guys, and so on. However, to me they represent the face of India. They are whom we must rightly call Indians. India has always been hailed as a land of peace, of spirituality, of reforms of happiness. And these people bring about this transformation in the lives of crores, who remain unspoken off.. Their problems are generalised as issues of an economically backward India, however these are the problems, which need to top our reforms list. Our lives are so busy worrying about the next appraisal cycle, and how much hike the guys sitting next to has bagged, to onsite plans. We plan taxes, we buy homes, we buy jazzy cars, eat at Dominoes, oh and not to forget try new cuisines, hit the gym, but don’t we have any responsibility towards our country. To our society, the ones who taught us how to live life, the ones who taught us the virtue of equanimity.
My experience of being with the villagers, is I think the best memory of my lifetime. Till date, when I encounter any issue, I remember the words of an elderly lady in the village, I taught. She said “vitthal is the giver, and he is the taker, the thorns in our life are nothing but the stem to reach the Rose”. Such clear and optimistic thinking from an Adivasi lady!! We speak of education, this is the truest essence of all books. The mere essence of vedas, and all the spiritual books across the world. Their smiles are true glimpses of innocence and beauty. I never leave an opportunity ever to visit a village, coz although the excuse is of I teaching them, in the truest sense, I am just an earnest student. Every action and every word of theirs, are my lessons. I am but a mere onlooker at the beauty of God’s beautiful creation.

Matters of the heart

“I never ever will speak to you again”!! All my closest friends, family everyone has heard this line atleast a thousand times from me.. But within 2 or 3 hours, I am back to my chirpy self, as if nothing ever happened. That’s me…. I am not a very short tempered person, I have my share of irritations, but nothing that leads to a fight. Actually being phobic to shouting, I rather become very silent when angry. End up listening to music, read a book or write a blog… ;)
But there have been quite some times when I swear to myself, that this time, X Person has crossed their limits and there is no way, I am gonna accept them without an apology and a sound lesson. But then after a while, there is this whole, barrage of questions that is thrown at me (by my dear old conscience) starting from, is this right, am I being fair to do you think, they would be hurt!! Then I start remembering the good times, I had with them… The fun times, the laughter times…. And then starts the cross questioning…. Whether all this silence is worth, the times we spent together.. Whether it is a balance… This weighing, finally leads to a conclusion that “All’s well that ends well”!! There goes my anger down the drain!! I don’t remember holding a fight for more than half a day! Hmmm!! Hard!
This I think of actually as a strength… I don’t want to lose the people I love to such tiny fights, I don’t want a scratch in my heart, because of a couple of heated words… What I would rather have is, someday down the line, when our vision gets blurred, we have silver hair and life would seem like an autumn time, I would not like to regret, having not saved a relation!!

Micchami Dukkadam

Micchami Dukkadam, a term, which when said with folded hands, and a sincere faith in heart can move even the mountains. It is the earnest effort to pay for our sins, right here, to keep the big fat burden of ego aside and to reach every individual known and ask for forgiveness for deeds, knowingly or unknowingly done. The deed of forgiveness, crossess all the noblest and virtuest of deeds. In the very famous Shakespearen play "The Merchant of Venice", Portia says that blessed are the ones who forgive and because of th nobility of their deed, blessed also are the ones who are forgiven.

In our fast & frenzied life, we completely overlook the emotional factor, between our 9-9 jobs, there is no time, to take a note of such trivial things. And in this process, we do not realise the big and strong wall of hatred that we build in our hearts. Gone are the days, when a simple flower and a tiny sorry, could heal hearts. Now there is no effort, and people dont care anymore..

So to all my friends, family and loved ones, if I have ever hurt you, knowingly or unknowingly, crushed your emotion for my selfish needs, overlooked your smile for my own! "Micchami Dukkadam"...

Drawing the Line

It is somehow so important to know your boundaries right. To know, when to say, stop right here!! It is just so important to realise that there is a circle beyond which it is just you and your conscience, no one can tread that space.. Its private beyond the definition of the word.. And when people start encroaching those areas, that when relationships start to sour. Thats when insecurity, jealousy, possesiveness starts spreading their hoods. Its hard, to be helpless, to see someone you love go through agonised times, but the key is to remember that you cant suffer their pain for them. You may feel the pain, understand it, sympathise, but cant take their place. Each man has his own struggle to be the fittest, and am a strong believer of the fact, that for every door closed, a door to happiness opens somewhere else. It is foolish to cry over the closed door, yet the path to reach the new door, may have its own share of turbulences. It is easy to get washed away in these turbulent and unruly waves. But life teaches each man, their own lessons. To make mistakes are good, but to learn from one's own mistakes are the best. Let people face their problems, be the tree which gives shadow, on a hot sunny day, to a traveller. Dont try to cloud the sun, its a part of someone's destiny!!

The Big Fight

There is always this scene in hindi movies where the alter ego, a mirror image comes and fights with the actor talking about the pros and cons of a situation.. Setting the characted on the right path. Today I was in a similar situation. I hurt someone very close to me today. Someone whom i really care a lot about. This person is in a state already, due to some personal turmoil, I have always been supportive and understanding, ignoring all those minor tiffs and plausible arguments. But today I lost my cool. Today, the state of mind I was in, I expected my friend to walk across the rope to lend me a hand, very well ,knowing that it wasnt even fair to do so.

I am now feeling so guilty, that I cant even sleep. I apologised and was instantly forgiven. But a sinned heart, knows its wound. I always felt, the worst punishment ever is guilt. A guilty heart makes a person repent so much, that it is as if suffering through one's mistake every single second. Right now, somewhere my friend, must be peacefully asleep, yet here I am penning down my thoughts, a last respite to over come a grave mistake.The person I hurt is someone who means a lot to me, who has stood by me, in the tiniest of situations... Gosh!! How could I do this. I am known to be a very patient person ,a typical think before u talk, but my anguish broke its dam and burnt away all traces of understanding, love and friendship! But now as the lava of guilt is settling, all i can see is the greyness of my friend's beautiful heart...

M sorry!! I really am.... :(

Growing up wid life...

I was a very timid and shy person in my childhood.. Would think hundred times, even before asking a glass of water... And staying in a joint family, just aggrevated my shyness.. I was closest to my naani... I used to ask her, what does growing up mean.. And she used to say, it means, accepting what life throws at your path, and being ready to face anything with a smile.. When I would ask her, how to get ready for obstacles and difficulties, she would simply smile and say, life is such a beautiful teacher, it will help you come out and face any situation you land up in. The trick is to, be aware of its teachings... Whenever I would get depressed, my naani's words were my boat of solace. Her wisdom, was my courage.. And now is when I actually understood her advise... Santosh fell sick terribly, and I had to admit him.. I was all alone, didnt know what to do.. I went alone to the doctor, and the ground beneath me slipped away when she said that I had to admit him... I am totally phobic to hospitals.. Never even visited people when they got admitted... And here I had to do a very difficult job. I called up a friend of mine, in panic, and he said, just keep calm, train your mind, you are strong, close your eyes and think about this man you love.. And thats it, there went all my fears flying away, I went home, packed his stuff... Admitted him... It was simple.. Even when he left for Mumbai to take rest, everyone in my family knew, that staying alone was like a punishment to me.. But i insisted on staying alone, so I get to know my ownself.. After all, every one claimed to know me, from my husband, to my family, to my best friends.. But I didnt know myself.. After this three week ordeal, I really can claim to be best friends with my self... life did throw answers at me, and I caught them...

Life does decide to teach u, nudge you and say "Kid! Grow up!! :)

Arz Hai!!

scorching the earth away, the sun at a pinnacle,
I prayed and prayed in my heart for a miracle,
Send us Oh Lord, a drop from your faucet,
The earth here wants to glow again like a scarlet

Tears glistening in my eyes, and a prayer in my heart,
I awaited away for a long lost gift,
For the mistake of one may all not be punished,
Oh Lord, may your mercy not be diminished,

There it came, on a hot burning day,
A drop from the heaven, fell on the thirsty earth,
The winds started blowing spreading happiness on their way,
It seemed as if life had taken a rebirth

Down came the pour with a heaving sigh,
It was indeed a miracle, as the sun bid goodbye,
Dancing in the winds I made a gentle bow,
And he smiled upon us, with a beautiful rainbow

Train to nowhere

I have been totally restless today. I earlier thought, maybe its just a bout of excitement, but later realised, excitement would lead in some direction, I would need a spark, but nah, m just restless. This has started happening often to me these days. I am unable to concentrate and take a slow and steady move. The tsunami of emotions in my heart is just so overwhelming, that dissecting it into a certain genre is proving to be a mammoth task. So I set upon doing the one thing that slows me and sends me back to the raging reality of life, that is, blogging! My mind today, just doesnt want to slow down. I realised this early in the morning when I sat in front of my altar to say good morning , to my lord, and loh behold, I was streaming through a live video of thoughts. From a friend's anguish to argentina's football game, everything flashed. It felt like one of those tests, from Engineering, where u are shown a string of photos and asked to write an essay... :P

Human mind is the most mysterious creation of the lord, it is fast,it is crazy, and it is utterly unpredictable. There is just no chance, one would be able to decipher, what the next move would be. Sometimes, I feel m scared to be alone, coz of my train of thoughts. The mere speed scares me. I wanna slow down , mellow down and say, enough! Stop thinking for a while. I want to close my eyes and stare at a blank screen!!! My doc says, m over charged at the moment and need to take a vacation, at that moment, all I could remember was "makemytrip.com"... sad, but thats the way it is...

My brain starts playing songs when I am in the conference room, I cannot signoff from office while at home, and start feeling guilty, about my indifference at home in the office...This is getting all very hyper and serious now. I really want to signoff at all instances and take some time off... But dunno from what... Is it work, is it home, is it people, or is it just plain good old me!! A question that I need to answer for myself...

All this scared me, when i took up a book for reading, and i kept it back without being able to concentrate. This is possibly the worst experience for a book worm. To be away from books!!! Huh!! I feel so good, after penning my condition. Sometimes, I feel, nothing is more closer to me, than the alphabet series of English.. I cannot speak about my issues, as well pen them down, and get relaxed!!! :)

Till we meet again - Part 2

Man, I guess am obsessed with the topic of goodbye.... Here's one more....

The journey of life is just so beautifully chalked by the almighty. From the tiniest bacteria to the extremely developed, the planning is just so perfect. The environment in which we grow up, our future, our thought flow, the phases in life, the break downs, the pinnacles of success, everything is set. All we need to do, is strive to execute everything in the best possible manner.
In this journey, we meet several people, who walk with us for a certain distance and then comes the time, when our lanes start differing. The discrimination, that lanes change, but people don’t, is what is the essence of nurturing relationships. I have always been a relation cherisher person. I find very hard to make friends, I take a lot of time to trust people. But once in my close circle of friends, then till the end, I never let go. That is probably why I still am as good friends with my primary school friends as my new friends. I find it very hard, to close a chapter in life. As I said earlier, I don’t believe in good byes. Distances only reduces physical proximity, the pleasure of seeing ur friend, hearing their hearty laugh, the twinkle in their eyes, what it cannot do, is kill affection, trust and emotions. Friendship is a very beautiful bond, an invisible force, which binds hearts forever. A beautiful bond of trust, affection, love and faith.
I have been very lucky, that at each stage of life, I have been blessed with wonderful people around me. People who flinch in pain, when I cry, who will paint the town red, if I win. People who would argue in a conference room, to prove me right. Life doesn’t have to be fair all the time. It doesn’t have to give us all that we desire. The trick is to remain contented and happy with what we have and make the best out of it. As a famous line goes, “Life is like a cup of coffee, sweetened but not stirred”.

We may not see each other everyday, we may not talk to each other for months, but know for sure, that like shadows, we are always there in a subtle but sure manner.
Till we meet again…….

Phir Milenge

Cancerians, are a peculiar species in the human race. We never let people come near us, we are secretive, moody and suspicious. But when someone touches our heart, and passes through the grand gates and makes their place in our lives, we make sure that they never leave. By nature, we are crabby, we never let go of our friends. And when they do it tears us apart from inside.

I had sworn, that I will keep my work life away from my personal life. No friendships here, was my principle when I joined my new job. Experiences of the past had nevertheless, made me strong enough to be like this. After all, I had a pathetic time, leaving my previous work place. But nah, its me and if I make rules, they have to be broken, within a month of joining here, I had a frivolous gang, complete with fun, laughter and madness. With them, I never realized how time, passed by, it is 6 months now and life is still so fresh. We all looked forward to coming to work everyday, meet each other at breakfast, so that we could laugh away to glory. Laughing was like a religion here!!

But now time to part has come, time when we all disperse into new worlds. The most difficult moment, ever faced by a cancerian is to say “Good bye”.. And in all these years, I have never perfected this art. I can never say “Good bye”!! It is too difficult for me. I would rather not be there on their last day at work, than watch them walking out of that gate and waving at me. If life gives me a chance, then I would never let anyone walk away. If only I could turn the wheels of time again!!
Dear friend, if you are reading this, then all I want to say is you have changed my life in so many ways, and that I would never want us to part ever. But as they say, Time and Tide waits for none. So as you walk out of this door into a world of oppurtunities, know that, I would never wave good bye to you ever. I would just say “Till we meet again”!!!

A pinch of innocence

Since childhood, every essay we wrote on India, had one line for sure, “India is a land of villages”. I often used to wonder what it would be like to live in a village, away from the concrete jungle, not worried about the 8:06 local, not bothered about the crowds, a world where Gucci and Reebok would sound as alien as Saturn’s rings. What is it, that these people possess, that keeps them happy even in a life of hardships. Life had a turn waiting for me, while I travelled from Pune to Solapur in a bus recently.

It was an extremely hot afternoon, and as the temperature soared higher, there was mercury rising in people’s hearts too, after all, because of a silly mistake of mine, we were travelling by a non-AC bus on a hot afternoon after missing a comfortable, posh AC train. :P After glaring at me for a long time, my friend slept off, and as I waited for my guilt pangs to surpass, I kept staring out of the window. We passed through several barren lands, withered away shrubs, in the extreme heat, nothing scenic to watch, but still better than the rattle on the TV being shown. I was just thinking about how the heat was affecting this part of the city, when I saw a beautiful banyan tree and children playing swing on its branches, there was a small stream of water flowing nearby, and even in the hot sun, I could feel its chilled gurgle. I smiled at the thought of playing with these kids, it was then that I remembered a line again from school , which I would never forget, “Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest”.

Life doesn’t stop smiling or gifting you with its treasures if a certain amount of leisure is stolen away and it is a lesson I learnt on a hot Monday afternoon! It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a washing machine to wash your pile load, but you do get the pleasure of playing with your friends in the water as you wash. It doesn’t matter if you cant watch the latest movie on your television, as long as you get to spend evenings swinging and laughing with your friends. They don’t care about a dinner at a five star hotel, trying low calorie dessert, the meal which is shared with your loved ones, no matter how meagre, is the tastiest.

Life doesn’t stop with hardships, if it steals a handful of happiness then it returns the same amount in another form, I was jealous of those villagers. Even in their life of hardships, their smile was genuine, the happiness in their laugh was evident, and when they hugged their loved ones, it was genuine. We have grudges in our hearts, envy in our relationships and trust is a emotion unknown!!


If only we had more time to analyse life and sort it in a simpler way, if only in our recipe of life, there was a pinch of innocence!!

Blinding Joy

Love struck me once, and I went blind
They say it hits hard, when it does, the earth beneath your feet slips away,
I had grown up listening to this, I would dream of the moment,
When love would come and blast my way,

Years I had waited for my true love to come,
A moment I waited to rejoice and bloom,
And then it came, like the sun setting down the ocean,
As if the entire waters, were covered with a golden potion,

He was smart, yet different, than the others of his kind,
He came, he conquered and won away my mind,
I blushed when I saw him for the first time,
Prayed away “Oh Lord! Please let him be mine”

And the Lord smiled and said “My child”
May not thy, love blow away like the wind; behold,
But blind I was and wanted to turn deaf,
In the colour of my new love wanted to say “Lord you are rough”

He made me dance, to the breezy winds,
Spread my colour and my fragrance around,
All at once, he left one day,
With a promise to come back, just like a fay

Days passed away like years,
Seasons changed then changed near and dears,
I had lost my heart to him,
Now there was absolutely no whim,

Life was just a menace, awaiting death furlong,
I held my loved ones and bid goodbye, so long,
He took away not just my nectar but my essence of life,
Oh, all I wanted to be was his dearest wife!!

Then I heard the voice, to whom I turned deaf,
He came and comforted said now now, don’t be so tough,
You are but a flower who blooms so beautiful,
And he a bumbling bee, fickle and temptous,

Life is agame of nectar and poison,
Have a balance, don’t try and find the reason
I am with you my child as you fade away,
But don’t let your love so easily blown away.

As I lay down and closed my eyes,
The sun bowed down and soothing as ice,
Tears trickled down, my eyes,
Alas! I could have still been wise!

Alt+F4

This is the longest tenure of my life, where I haven’t penned anything so long, have just read 4 books in 6 months! Sigh! Life and its compulsions, kills all chances of leading a normal human life.
These 6 months and the past 2 days have taught me quite a good lesson, that life once on a acceleration mode, doesn’t take a back seat ever. In this race to live, we end up losing a lot than just a good mileage power!!
These 6 months, owing to work pressure I completely convinced myself that, hobbies and passions do not necessarily relax a person, it is just a technique of keeping your mind occupied or to put it in Bollywood ishtyle “All izz well”. But now as the weariness and tiredness sets in, a huge lethargic wave seems to be groping my mind. I can’t think & talk of anything but work. With this rate, I would soon replace the system I work on.. :)
My friends have a hand in this transition from machine to human, after all, they were the ones who pushed me hard to write something and keep penning my thoughts. While I say that, a huge thanks to my darling cousin, who introduced me to this wonderful world of blogging. A push in the right direction, sometimes sets us back on the right track, and I am lucky, I have had a lot of people to show me the right path so many times.
When I hang on to something, it is hard for me to unhook myself and let my thoughts flow in a different direction, and now that I know the side effects, it is about time to reprogram a few prejudices.. So while I take a whiff of my new found freedom and take a long breath in fresh air, may the PC back at my desk, finally sigh a relief “Hush! Alt+F4 at last” :):)